The Gathering

Pleading a case for throwing and attending random casual parties.

As warm weather comes to a close and the nights take on an autumnal chill, I’m busy making lists and planning a menu for our last gathering of the year, and I’m already feeling that sense of community and love that surrounds me whenever we plan an event like this.

In our small town we have several special dates over the course of the summer where many events are scheduled throughout the day calling on the residents to get out of the house and spend some time enjoying our little one-square-mile hamlet. These special days all have their themes; Loyalty Day in the spring, Summer Slam, and Harvest, and they all inevitably end with a Cruise Night, where every wrench turner and classic car enthusiast from several surrounding towns come to cruise our little circuit like a promenade among friendly waves and cheers.

Now I don’t own a classic car, and I’m not a big fan of setting up folding chairs on the side of the road to watch them all go by, but I do have some highway frontage right outside of town and love to host people for a casual visit, so a new tradition has developed at my home. Any time there’s a Cruise Night in town, I set up a buffet, prep the fire pit, build out a cocktail bar, and turn on the party lights. We then prepare to serve as a basecamp for all our friends who want to come to town to participate in our local traditions.

People come and go from our place throughout the day into the evening before eventually settling in to have a jam or yap session before making their treks back to wherever they came from. No start and stop time. No structured “party pacing”. No obligation to stay for hours or make an Irish Exit. Just a casual gathering place that feels more like a trading post and news desk all at once.

There are some friends and family who I see all the time, and they help me anchor the space, while others I would only see DURING these gatherings and we have much to catch up on. Young parents stop by with their kids for a little safe free-ranging in the fenced yard while they take a break from the day and have a snack. Our elders take up a comfy chair and dish out old stories and advice. We bring or provide items for trade we’ve built up since the last gathering. We take photos. LOTS of photos.

These gatherings also help us handle the business of life as we trade off job opportunities, mention items we’re wanting to contract for, buy, or sell, and plan trips and arrange aid for those that might not know how to ask for it themselves. More often than not, a few of the folks gather in the parking area to tinker on each others cars, fixing small problems that have plagued them, or doing light maintenance for the folks that aren’t able to do it themselves. Nearly everyone leaves just a little better off than they arrived, and it fills my heart.

As the night goes on, guitars come out. Some karaoke or jamming might get done as the kids get tired and start crashing out in hammocks and laps. We keep a few couches and airbeds ready just in case the cocktails or cozy vibes take over, and anyone who stays gets a hot brunch the next day.

Stumble Before the Fall was written at and about one of these parties by Aaron “Ump” McCollum and perfectly captures the vibe.

I often tell my kids, both born into my family or “adopted” into my heart, that I’m right where they left me as a way to encourage them to go out and experience the world with that security to anchor them. These gatherings are part of that foundation… a reminder that no matter how busy or crazy or tiresome or exciting the world gets for them, they know for sure a specific date they can show up in a familiar place, see some friendly faces, and catch up or restore themselves and I’ll be right there refilling the snack trays.

So pick a date and throw an open house. Don’t overthink it, and don’t wait for a “special occasion”. Gathering with intention IS the occasion. Because it isn’t really about snacks or cocktails or cruise nights. It’s about reminding the people we love that no matter how far they wander, they’ll always have a place to come home to.